Kii unveils yet another high-tech feature

April 1, 2008 — Knights in Interaction, the publication perhaps best known for overextending itself technologically, announced today the Beta release of Kii Lime Pie, the first in a line of food items that the interactive newsletter will make available over the Internet in coming months.

"It's something we stumbled upon last month as the result of a St. Patrick's Day flyer accident," a member of the product development team at Kii explained on condition of anonymity. "Someone spilled some green punch on the printer, and then this just kind of came out of that experience."

The new technology requires end-users to replace the contents of their color ink cartridges with the four ingredients needed for the product output. To make Kii Lime Pie, for example, the black cartridge is filled with lime juice, and the yellow gets a couple of beaten egg yolks. The other ingredients, according to another unidentified team member, are "sweetened condensed milk in the magenta cartridge, and then a mixture of equal parts of graham cracker crumbs, sugar, and melted butter for the cyan."

The product file is generated using Kii's patented Fast-Food Press application, which instructs the printer to lay down the correct proportion of pixels from each ingredient cartridge to produce a fairly accurate flavor representation at output. To prevent an overly dry product, the developer recommends loading the printer's manual feed tray with pastry sheets instead of regular paper.

"It's a bit greasy and chemically," said one Beta taster, "but no worse than what you'd get at a convenience store."

"I think Kii Lime Pie is another foolish example of the editor going to extremes to work the word Kii into the name of yet another service," said April Fülsdeigh, who identified herself as the wife of a member of the Knights of Columbus council that produces the online publication.

Print one 8½" x 11" pie now • Download as MP3 to snack on later